an entry from a weary soul.

            I am a soul. I am one of billionth, maybe more, of souls exist on this plane. Like any other souls i got my own uniqueness. But here this time i'm not going to talk about it. I'm going to talk about the current time and space that i am at now.

            For as long as i have journeyed in this life, so much has happened to me. Things that taught me other things, things that led to questions, questions that led to question, questions. One of those things were feelings. I have felt so many different things until now. Happy, sad, confusion, anger, lust, greed, and muchmuch more, though i prefer those ugly ones, cause i thought they were the most feelable feelings. One of those ugly feelings is confusion, this one is probably the best, cause it always got me thinking about stuff, such as what am i confused about, why am i confused, what to do to get rid of the confusion. And now that feeling just came back to me.

           

All this time, i’ve been journeying on my life, doing things, feeling things. Sometimes decisive moment happened, decisive moment that made me stop my journey for a while to see how things are, cause when i'm on a journey i tend to not pay any attention to all the things but those which is related to my journey. Those moments made me did a flashback about everything i have done to get there, what made me stop, like this time. I admit it, i went too deep on my last journey, and then end it all came back to me and stop my journey. Wasn't so right, but not everything not right is wrong, still gotta learn something from it.

           

A friendly soul just told me his story, a story about how his recently-started journey is going. The happiness, the confusion, the drumming heartbeat, the will to sacrifice, the small-but-meaningful euphoria. Right after he finished his story i suddenly long to feel those feelings again, to even not know what to feel, to purely smile wihtout any reason. The feelings you feel at the beginning of a new journey where you dont know anything but what the grand gate of your journey predict about how will your journey be.

It just made me think that i might have been just going in circle in my previous journey for too damn long. Im sure i saw some gate out of that journey, but somehow i didn’t get out until i was forced out. Never should’ve done that, never should’ve not use the gate out. But then again who am i to wish to turn back the time and rewrite history. So here i am, in a realization about how i should’ve use that gate out, how i now should start a new journey and not stay too long in that new journey.

Here i am.

I’m gonna start my new journey.